I'm hardly a details person, but I am a planner. Big picture visionary stuff is kind of my thing. I can see the finished whole. I understand what it will take to get there. I can envision what elements are necessary for the accomplishment of the goals and who is needed to make them happen. Again the day to day tactical, not so much, but I take real pride in orchestrating the movement of the organization towards its preferred future. Or, perhaps, I should say, "TOOK real pride."
Why do I say that? Well, in what is a very unnerving turn of events, the finished whole now seems to be beyond my sight. I have no clear picture of the destination. In the absence of that vision, I find myself in an incredibly vulnerable leadership position. My greatest strengths have been stripped away. Previously, I found great security in being out in front. That is, after all, where a leader is supposed to be. However, now I increasingly find myself leading from the middle. How can that be? Ah, that IS the question, isn't it?
It is, as if, the whole church is being swept up in some change, pulled (or led) in some direction, wholly removed from the leadership of any one person. Do not misunderstand this to mean that the church is without direction. Not at all. The longer we are caught up in this, the clearer the direction becomes, the more definitively intelligent and wise it proves to be.
What can I compare this to? I've sat here for a good 45 minutes thinking about that and here is the best I can come up with. It is as if you are looking at a painting by Monet, but at the start the painting is a mere few centimeters from your eyes. What you see are colors, dots of color, without any apparent pattern or purpose. You cannot see the big picture. The entirety of the canvass is beyond your field of vision. However, ever so slow the painting is being pulled back, giving you perspective. Dots of color begin to gather into patterns. Order emerges from chaos. You begin to become aware of the whole. You cannot complete it, but you know without a shadow of a doubt that it is there and that when you do see it, it will be beautiful, a masterpiece. Slowly you gain perspective. Your eyes, your mind decipher the pattern as it's revealed.
What that means for me is that I cannot lead from the front. I must lead from the middle. Leading from the front is defined by orchestration. Leading from the middle is defined by interpretation. Consider the conductor of an orchestra. This leadership is dependent on knowing what piece that is to be played. Only then can the conductor lead the pieces of the whole in creating a desired outcome- in this case beautiful music. This is leading from the front. Leading from the middle requires an entirely different skill set. Leading from the middle is about listening to the music as opposed to leading it. It's indentifying the melody amidst the sound. It involves processing and contextualizing the big picture as it is revealed in ever growing but minute proportions. Then the leader's role becomes revelation, helping the church to see and to embrace the masterpiece that God is making of it.
Well, as I have said, these are certainly not finished thoughts. They are thoughts in process, as I increasingly understand that all things are. I have no doubt that I will change my mind, contradict myself, and come back around to where I've started more than a few times as I think my way through this. But, slowly, I know, order will emerge from the chaos. Let me know what you think, because you are, no doubt, a part of this big picture.
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The analogy you use is very powerful. The painting close up, I think, is how each person is treated and how God touches each person individually. It takes that kind of God-work to create a body of believers who are truly following Christ, not just a charismatic preacher or a talented band. I think this idea completely contradicts the corporate model of the church, which does, in fact, remind me of a business. In my opinion, the further away a church model is from a business model the better. Jesus was all about love in the midst of chaos and messy people. He did not in fact lead a church, at least not in the sense we think of church leaders today. When the apostles in Acts tried to take matters into their own hands and select a twelfth to replace Judas, God chuckled and gave them a Christian-killer, Paul, instead.He just changed Paul! Jesus went out among everyone. Yes, there were church-like gatherings--the Sermon on the Mount comes to mind (although it's kind of funny that we gave it that label...not what Jesus called it, I'm sure). But mostly, as you keep reminding us, Jesus WAS the church, and so were his apostles, going out to help people and form relationships. That being said, the church-as-business is so firmly ingrained in many people's minds and in the way things are now, how do you get away from that? I mean, we have to take the collection and count it, and distribute it. We have to have something for the kids, something that resembles school. (???) We have to have setters-up and tearers-down, light people and sound people and band people, and we need schedules for those people. So the happy group of Christ-followers sometimes start to point fingers about who is doing more and what is not getting done, or someone goes off the deep end and commits a really, REALLY big sin, and suddenly (or gradually) the larger picture is lost, the very reason for our being together--to confess and learn and worship and get back on track and be in a right relationship with God again, so we are filled up enough with his love to go out and share that perfect love with others. In the middle of it people are privately wrestling with their doubts and sins and broken relationships.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that we HAVE to remember that God is in control, and is leading. Who else could put together such a muddled mess of humanity? We cannot create a church on our own, and no one human being can pull it off either! I think there are pastors who make it look like they are doing it (think the smooth-talking TV preachers with smiling, nodding congregations in palatial arenas), but that looks nothing like the picture I have of Jesus, out in the dirty world, touching lepers and meeting sinners wherever he goes.
I for one believe we will all be surprised when (if) we get to Heaven and we see who is there and who is not. I believe we will see many, many drug addicts, alcoholics, the worst sinners of humanity there, because they are the ones who actually cried out to Jesus to save them. They know what salvation is! So a church leader, I think, is one who has the capacity to love and reach out to THOSE people, even when it means failing to please the "church corporation" whose bottom line might be attendance numbers, collection amounts, even the numbers of baptisms.
Honestly, I don't know how a church leader strikes that balance, while at the same time being painfully aware that his success with the higherups is what guarantees his paycheck, his ability to provide for his own family. My prayers are with you, for all that God is showing you and for all that you can teach others. Like the painting analogy, all you can do is one beautiful, purposeful brushstroke at a time, without being too concerned about the finished painting. God will make it a masterpiece.
I hope this encourages you.
I want you know I've read your comments and they are rich with material to think and write about. I plan on responding to some of what you have said, but wanted to express my thanks for your insights.
ReplyDeleteOkay, let's take a look at a couple of these. First, I'm glad the analogy resonated with you. As I said in my blog, I really struggled with that one. When you speak of the "corporate" model, I think you are very well on to something. For Jesus, the emphasis was never on the organization. Yet, one of the characteristics of corporations is that the people serve the organization. However, the biblical view of the Church is that it exists to equip and empower people to do the work of the Kingdom. It's purpose statement is the Great Commission (see Matthew 28) and it's focus is always on going into the world. Of course, Jesus was a Jew, and as a Jew he went to Synagogue. So, clearly Jesus saw a place for the gathered expression of worship and praise to God. There was ritual and practice in which Jesus took part. There were offerings and readings and messages and set-up and tear-down. Nevertheless, you are right in pointing out that in many, many cases we have turned our gatherings into consumer-driven, energy consuming affairs in which we seemingly try to sell our goods. It's the modern day version of the money-changers in the temple (see John 2). Still do we not want to offer our absolute best in worship? We do. So the answer to avoiding the church-as-business trap is maintain the proper focus within our worship. It has to be about God and expressing our praise to him. We must constantly remind ourselves that we do what we do for the honor and love of God. So much easier said than done! Sometimes that might mean really checking ourselves- like moving from a big, fancy theater into an auxiliary theater or taking a regularly scheduled season of "rest" as a church even though it means we don't have all the extras we've come to love. These things have caused us, I believe, to let go of some of our wrong motives and get to a place of more authentic worship. There is so much more that you have said which I could go on about and much of it I say "Amen!" to, but these are the thoughts I had to share for now. Peace.
ReplyDelete